


Why do I ever listen to anyone?

by JenJo



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-25 18:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenJo/pseuds/JenJo
Summary: THE ORIGIN OF BROODING [9.14AM]:And bring your boyfriend that you have been trying to keep a secret.Jason's family thinks he has a boyfriend.The only problem is, Jason doesn't have one.But why would he let something so simple stop him?AKA the jaykyle fake relationship AU you never knew you wanted.





	1. A ridiculous situation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [supersonicsidekick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersonicsidekick/gifts).



> For the bingo square "Fake/Pretend Relationship."

**THE ORIGIN OF BROODING [9.14AM]:**

**And bring your boyfriend that you have been trying to keep a secret.**

  
  


Jason had seen the message from Bruce when he had woken up that afternoon, and had been ignoring it for the past two hours.

_ What boyfriend?  _ He felt like sending back, because he didn’t have one.

No, Jason was very single. 

_ Bruce is meant to be a detective or something, isn’t he? _

Jason had to go to the Christmas party next week, he knew that he had no choice in the matter. And if he showed up  _ without  _ a boyfriend, then there would only be an unending stream of questions directed at him for the entire night. 

_ I have a week to figure this out,  _ Jason decided as he began his pre-patrol stretching.  _ I’ll come up with a solution before the party. Plenty of time. _

 

~~~

 

Spoiler alert: Jason did not, in fact, come up with a solution in the week leading up to the party.

A fact that Roy found immensely hilarious on their weekly patrol.

“Why do I even talk to you?” Jason asked himself as the sound of Roy’s laughter came through the helmet’s receiver, as Jason took out a bunch of goons on the ground.

“ _ Because I am the only one who will call you on your bullshit,”  _ Roy answered, without missing a beat.

Jason dropped another goon, and looked up to the rooftop where Roy was standing. “That would be a reason to ignore you, Harper.”

“ _ Hey,  _ I  _ am not the one who has to show up to a family party and explain the absence of a boyfriend I never had _ .”

Jason, having finished off the goons in the alley and put in a call to the authorities to pick them up, made his way up to the rooftop. He stood across from Roy, and narrowed his eyes.

Roy, who could not actually see Jason’s eyes, took a cautious step back. “No.”

“I haven’t even  _ asked  _ you anything yet!”

“I know that look-”

“I am wearing a helmet that hides my eyes-”

“-You are not-”

“-How can you see-”

“-Asking me to be your fake date!”

Jason closed his mouth, sighing. “Damnit, Harper, you were my only hope.”

“That is such a sad fact, Todd,” Roy said as he collapsed his bow, putting it away for the night. “Surely you have other friends you could get to be a fake date.”

Jason sighed as he began running across the rooftops, Roy on his heels. “You know that I don’t.”

“How are you even a person?”

“It’s a debatable fact,” Jason conceded, leading the way to one of his safehouses and slipping inside, Roy close behind.

“You are such a sad excuse for a human,” Roy shook his head as he put his bow and quiver away, and changed into civilian clothes. “Why do I associate with you?”

“Because you are also a sad excuse for a human,” Jason called out from his weapons room, as he put away his equipment and also put on civilian clothes. “And we’re the only ones who will hang out with each other.”

“I might have a solution to your problem!”

Jason frowned as he walked out into the lounge area of this safe house, and found Roy holding up a sketchbook.

”What’s that?”

“A solution,” Roy said, flipping through the pages. “Unless you have taken up drawing yourself naked in your spare time. Which, you might have, you  _ are  _ a strange person.”

Jason rolled his eyes, and took the sketchbook off of Roy. He recognised the drawing style instantly. “It’s not mine, it’s Kyles.”

“Kyle?” 

“Rayner. Green Lantern. Or white. One or the other.”

“You don’t know what he is?”

“We don’t really talk when he’s over.”Jason shook his head  as he put the sketchbook away. When he turned back to see Roy’s incredulous expression, he shrugged. “He doesn’t like me looking at his stuff.”

“No, that’s only slightly what is weird right now.”

“Huh?”

“ _ We don’t really talk when he’s over _ ,” Roy said, echoing Jason’s earlier words. “You don’t get to say something like  _ that  _ without an explanation!”

Jason rolled his eyes, dropping onto the couch beside Roy. “Please get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You put it there.”

Jason shoved at Roy’s shoulder. “When Kyle’s over, it’s usually to get away from the world. I don’t force him to talk, he doesn’t feel obligated to talk. He just sits here, drawing.”

“Drawing you, naked.”

Jason frowned briefly, before shaking his head. “I don’t ask him what he’s drawing, he doesn’t share.”

“You should ask Kyle to be your fake date.”

“No.”

“Come on, Jason, he’d say yes.”

“You didn’t.”

“I’m not secretly in love with you.”

“Kyle’s not secretly in love with me.”

“Fine, whatever,” Roy rolled his eyes, standing up and heading to the door. “Go to your party alone, and explain it to your family. I am going to enjoy a night of inventing stuff that blows up.”

“Because that is a good idea,” Jason muttered as he heard the door close behind Roy.

Roy  _ wasn’t  _ speaking sense. Jason  _ wouldn’t  _ ask Kyle to be his fake date. 

Jason  _ would  _ come up with a plan in the next thirteen hours.

 

~~~

 

Jason spend four of the thirteen hours sleeping, and the rest of the hours  _ not  _ coming up with a plan.

Jason looked at his phone, at the contact saved as  _ bright light _ .

_ Kyle probably wasn’t even on the planet. If he isn’t even on the planet right now, then this isn’t even an option. _

Jason would just text him, saying he’d found Kyle’s sketchbook.

 

**Me [4.37pm]:**

**You left your sketchbook here last week.**

 

**BRIGHT LIGHT [4.37pm]:**

**I was wondering where that went.**

**Can I come around to get it?**

 

So Kyle  _ was  _ on planet, and not doing anything, given the immediate response. 

_ Damnit Roy, why do you have to be right. _

 

**ME [4.38pm]:**

**I’ll bring it around to your place. See you in five.**

 

**BRIGHT LIGHT [4.39pm]:**

**:D**

 

It didn’t take long for Jason to get to Kyle’s place. Of course, it took longer than the five minutes he said in his text;  _ see you in five  _ being his customary sign off to Kyle.

And, of course, he had to go dressed for the party, since he wouldn’t have time to change before going. 

“Uhhhh…” Kyle visibly paused when he opened the door, before shaking his head and clearing his throat. “Uh, is there a reason you’re so dressed up?”

“Can I come in?” Jason asked; Kyle nodded, stepping out of the doorway and following Jason into his apartment. Jason handed over the sketchbook. “I’m dressed up for the annual Wayne Christmas party.”

“Ah,” Kyle nodded, holding the sketchbook to his chest. “Sounds fun?”

Jason shook his head with a laugh. “Anything but. Usually I hang out in the corners, and glare at anyone who gets too close to me. But this year is going to be complicated.”

“Oh?”

Jason took a deep breath;  _ why not _ . “My family seem to be under the illusion that I’m dating someone.”

“Are you?”

Jason didn’t want to think that that was concern that he heard in Kyle’s voice. “I’m not.”

“Ah,” Kyle said, carefully emotionless.

_ Here goes nothing.  _ “But, if I don’t show up with a date, that will be worse for me.”

Kyle frowned slightly. “Jason? What are you saying?”

“Kyle Rayner, will you pretend to be my boyfriend for this evening. I can offer you free food, and my eternal gratitude. And one favour, which you can call on at any time.”

Kyle was silent, simply staring at Jason with an unreadable expression on his face. As the silence grew, Jason became more and more worried that this was going to end badly.

“It’s okay if you don’t-” Jason started at the same time as Kyle answered.

“I only own one suit, and I’m not sure it’s up to Wayne Party standards.”

Jason shut his mouth, and blinked. “Wait, you  _ will  _ pretend to be my date?”

Kyle nodded, drumming his fingers against his sketchbook. “Free food, right?”

“Right,” Jason said, still amazed that this insane plan might actually work. “And don’t worry about meeting some arbitrary standard; no one will care what you wear.”

Kyle gestured to Jason and his suit. “But if I’m attending with you, I should look  _ something _ .”

“Show me your suit,” Jason said. “And then we’ll decide whether you need a new one.”

 

~~~

 

To say that Kyle looked good in a suit was an understatement.

Jason was, he wasn’t afraid to admit, caught a little bit off guard by just how good Kyle was looking as he came out of his bedroom, doing up the buttons on his shirt sleeve.

“Well?” Kyle asked, holding his hands out. “Do I suit up?”

“Oh, definitely,” Jason nodded, standing up and taking a good look at Kyle. “You suit up very nicely.”

Kyle held his hands out, and Jason took an extra look at him.

_ Just to be sure of…  _ Jason couldn’t even finish off the thought. He shook his head to clear it, before offering Kyle half a smile. “Last chance to pull out.”

“Free food, Jason,” Kyle said with a smile. “As if I’m turning down free food. Please tell me you drove a car today.”

“Don’t like my bike?”

“Oh, I’ll ride with you any day, I just don’t think the suits will survive the trip.”

“Is it bad if I tell you that i have shown up to this thing without a shirt before?”

Kyle, who had been walking towards the door, tripped over air. He quickly stood up, staring at Jason in disbelief. “You  _ have _ ?”

Jason nodded. “Yup.”

“Wha-  _ why _ ?”

“Blame the Riddler,” Jason answered easily. “Now, we should  _ probably  _ start heading over- there’s fashionably late, and then there’s so late Bruce will have my head.”

Kyle nodded, shooing Jason out of the door first so that he could lock up. “Yes, yes, let’s go get some food.”

As they walked to Jason’s car, Jason could not believe just how lucky he was that this insane plan was working.

_ Free food is the way to get to Kyle? I might just have to remember that in the future.  _


	2. Riding in (a) cars with (a) boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: party time!  
> Kyle: but what if I bonded with Jason in the car?  
> me: but party?  
> Kyle: bonding is Important  
> me:  
> Kyle:  
> me: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

This wasn’t normal.

This wasn’t normal, Kyle  _ knew  _ that this was not a normal thing to happen.

Hot guys didn’t just show up on Kyle’s doorstep and invite him out on a date.

Okay, so it wasn’t a date. 

And sure, Jason had shown up on Kyle’s doorstep  _ plenty  _ of times.

And sure, Jason  _ is  _ a hot guy.

But not in  _ that  _ way. 

Kyle and Jason were definitely in the  _ friends  _ category. 

And Kyle didn’t have a problem with that.

Honestly.

One of the things he liked about being friends with Jason, was having no expectations placed on him. He could show up at Jason’s place with no notice, looking like absolute trash, and know that Jason would let him in and not ask any questions. 

And, Kyle hoped, Jason knew that that extended both ways.

(Kyle  _ also  _ hoped that Jason hadn’t looked in his sketchbook. Not too closely anyway; he’d argue to anyone that it was  _ anatomy practice _ , of  _ no one in particular. _ )

So when your friend, who you maybe have the  _ smallest  _ crush on, shows up on your doorstep, and asks you to pretend to be their boyfriend for the evening?

You say yes.

And if you’re Kyle, you latch onto offer of free food, in order to hide how quickly you agreed. 

The car ride over was quiet. Abnormally so, even for the two of them. Kyle would glance over every so often, to find Jason’s fingers drumming on the steering wheel. He looked distracted. Kyle decided to ask him about it once they were at Wayne Manor.

_ Speaking of _ … Kyle thought as they pulled into the driveway of the Manor. He’d heard of it, everyone had heard of Wayne Manor. Jason had even mentioned it, when he was telling Kyle stories about happier times. 

But hearing about it and seeing it were two entirely different things.

It was  _ huge _ ; you could probably put Kyle’s childhood house inside it over a dozen times, and still have leftover space. It was the kind of huge that you didn’t believe existed, even when you were staring at it.

Kyle was so mesmerised, that he didn’t realise that Jason had brought the car to a stop, and was staring at Kyle with an amused expression. He was still drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

“What?” Kyle asked.

Jason nodded behind Kyle, towards the Manor. “I call it the Manor’s super power; able to render anyone speechless upon first viewing.”

“Well, it  _ is  _ huge,” Kyle shrugged, not at all apologetic for his reaction.

“Bigger isn’t better.”

“I think I prefer the apartment,” Kyle said, reaching out to put his hand over Jason’s, to still his fingers. “What’s wrong?”

“You won’t say that when you see  _ inside  _ the place,” Jason said, then shrugged. “Nothing. Not a thing. Why would anything be wrong?”

Kyle nodded towards Jason’s hands. “This is the first time your fingers have been still since you got into the car, never mind back at the apartment.”

Jason stared at Kyle for long enough that Kyle started to feel like drumming his fingers. “What, do I have something on my face?”

Jason muttered something under his breath that sounded like  _ there’s nothing wrong with your face _ , but Kyle couldn’t be sure. Louder, Jason said, “There’s not many people who are able to read my face, that’s all.”

“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or…” Kyle trailed off, not quite entirely sure how to finish the sentence.

Jason sighed. “I’ve never brought someone to… to meet the family.” Jason frowned, pausing for a moment. “I don’t know how they’re going to react, and in case you didn’t know, I don’t particularly like going into things unprepared.”

“You’re nervous?” Kyle asked, disbelievingly. Apparently Jason picked up on the disbelief in his voice, if Jason’s face was any indication. “Sorry, I’ve just never known you to be nervous.”

“Do you even know me?” Jason shook his head when Kyle opened his mouth to reply. “I’m a walking bundle of nerves pretty much always, Rayner. I’m just usually better at hiding it.”

“What do you need me to do?” Kyle asked, when it became clear that Jason wasn’t going to continue.

Jason blinked. And blinked again. “What?”

“What do you need me to do, to help you?” Kyle shrugged, as though he offered this sort of thing every day. “I’m your boyfriend tonight, right?”

“Right…” Jason nodded slowly.

“And presumably, this sort of thing would have occurred before in a relationship, right?”

“Right.” Jason sounded more confident this time.

“So. You’re nervous. New situation, you’re nervous. Completely reasonable response, by the way. Anyway, how can  _ I _ , your amazing boyfriend, help  _ you _ ?”

“Amazing boyfriend, huh?”

Kyle shrugged a shoulder, giving Jason a small grin. “Why not? Might as well be the best pretend boyfriend you’ve ever had while I’m at it.”

“How can I argue with that logic?” Jason asked, before looking at their hands, laughing slightly. “You’re going to think this is lame.”

“Promise you I won’t.”

“You will,” Jason said, then nodded at Kyle’s hand still on top of his own. “You see my hands twitching overly much, running through my hair, just those kind of nervous ticks? Just grab my hands, and hold them.”

Kyle was able to not react for long enough to say, “oh, I see why you thought I’d find that lame.”

“Do you?”

“Kind of,” Kyle admitted with a sheepish grin. “But as your amazing boyfriend, I would not find a coping mechanism lame. And I promise to keep my eyes on your hands at every moment.”

“Maybe not  _ every  _ moment,” Jason laughed a little. “But thanks for this. I owe you so much.”

“We’ll figure out how you can repay me later,” Kyle said, patting Jason’s hands before letting go. “Anything else I should watch for?”

Jason considered this for a moment. “We do not have enough time to go through every single one of my mental issues, believe me. The anxiety thing is enough for tonight. What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Anything I can watch out for, to make you more comfortable?”

“Don’t let me eat too much?” Kyle shrugged. “Honestly, I should be fine. I’m here to make you look good, and I don’t want to fail you.”

Jason just  _ stared  _ at Kyle, and Kyle wished he knew what Jason was thinking right then.

“How are you single?” Was how Jason broke the silence.

Kyle laughed at that. “Now  _ that  _ is a whole lot of issues that we don’t have the time for. Tonight, is all about convincing your family that we’re dating.”

“Yeah…” Jason trailed off, shaking his head. “Okay, let’s go and do this.”

Kyle got out of the car, and went to wait at the back of the car. When he realised that Jason hadn’t got out of the car, he went around to open Jason’s door.

“Jason?”

Jason shook his head, looking up at Kyle. “Huh?”

“Party? Seeing your family? Requires getting  _ out  _ of the car?” Kyle said, gesturing to his side.

“Right, right,” Jason muttered, standing up and locking his car. He looked to Kyle, before nodding up at the Manor. “We’re doing this, yeah?”

“Jason, look at me.” Kyle waited until Jason was looking back at him before continuing. “I’m by your side tonight. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jason nodded. “Right, right. Come on then,” Jason said, taking Kyle’s hand and leading him up to the Manor’s doors.

Kyle didn’t want to admit that it felt nice;  _ this is just a one night thing, Kyle. Don’t get attached.  _

_ He’s your friend, who you’re helping out. Like friends do. _

_ If you’re not going to ask him out, then you can’t be upset that it’s not a  _ real  _ date.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the party.  
> Thank you for reading, and see you then!

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter, the party scene, got out of hand and was not ready to be posted in time for the deadline. Sorry about that, but characters kept wanting to appear, and I wanted it to be good.  
> So expect the next chapter early in the New Year.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading :D


End file.
